You know what?! Sometimes I just don’t want to! I don’t want to make peace with my husband when I feel he is being prideful. I don’t want to make love when I’m running on empty. I don’t want to be his good thing when He is currently being MY annoying thing! These are my real-life feelings from time to time and I am not afraid or ashamed to admit it. I share because I want you to hear me when I say that you are not alone. Sis, we all have those negative thoughts from time to time and I am a living witness that God can help you through those tough times. So, if there is any point in your marriage when you have felt any or all of these frustrations, like me, then this one is for YOU!



“ I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. “   ​​​​​​Ephesians 4: 1-3 ESV



One day while I was reading Ephesians, the scripture above resonated with some issues I was working through at that time. Consequently enough, I was asking God to help me address my husband about something that was bothering me. I remember feeling so annoyed, but I was working really hard to handle this situation differently than I have in the past. But can I be honest… I just didn’t feel like being the bigger person. I was tired and already practicing the dissertation I was going to drop on him later. Leading up to my devotional time with the Lord, this was all going on in my head. As I was reading, immediately, I felt like God gave me something fresh, tangible and practical to help me deal with my occasional and current frustration in my marriage. Here in the scripture was something I could manage when the eagerness to serve turns into disinterest and sometimes exhaustion.


There are going to be 2 main points I share, to help you remember what to do when you don’t feel like maintaining the unity in your marriage.


1) Think Paul, Think Eager, Think Possible

2) Let Christ’s character fuel your actions not your feelings


1. Paul is the real deal! He starts off saying I “prisoner of the Lord.” That really spoke to me because not only was Paul a literal prisoner as he wrote this, but he also reminded me to re-center my lifestyle. Things were not about me, nor my infrequent frustrations. Yet, it was and is about the one who I serve, who I am prisoner to, the Lord. Just like a modern-day prisoner, we are all serving an eternal sentence. If I can redirect my pride to this mere fact when I feel offended or off-put by my spouse, then I should be able to get over myself and give those feelings to the Lord, who I serve. To be honest, like a prisoner often feels, I’m nothing. I am only something through His will and strength. As wives, we must remember this to help us remain humble. When you are truly humbled, you tend to approach a lot more situations with understanding and compassion. Our spouses are the way they are for a reason. Let’s empathize with that and give anything that causes us grief to the Lord our God whom we are imprisoned and indebted to forever.Like our Brother Paul, let’s stay eager to do God’s work in the most uncomfortable conditions/situations in our marriage.


2. Paul said, “eager to maintain the unity.” This is what stuck out to me most. I asked God why did he used the word “maintain?”Some translations read: “make every effort to KEEP” or “giving diligence to KEEP.” Nonetheless, you can only “maintain” or “keep” something that is already established. Although this verse is not directly talking about marriage, it correlates to our character as wives. We simply have to get out of our feelings sometimes and mirror biblical character. In these verses, it says walk with ALL humility and gentleness. Why is Paul telling the church of Ephesus this? Because this is God’s purpose for them and us today.


Unity has already been established through Christ and the work of the Spirit. As we grow stronger roots in our walk with Christ,we strengthen that established Unity. When we do this individually as the Body of Christ, it is inevitably going to impact our marriages.


Imagine a marriage where you fuel your actions by things that were already modeled and made possible to you by Christ and not your feelings. When your marriage is influenced by humility and gentleness. Oh-wee, what a marriage! Sometimes I wish I stopped myself from shooting those fiery darts at my husband’s ego and instead bowed with humility. This would have avoided a lot of shouting matches or silent treatments.


My point sis is that our feelings will ruin the bliss of marriage that we can enjoy more often. When we trade Christ’s character for our feelings, we will be eager to maintain the unity not only being the Body of Christ but being our Husband’s good thing. You got this, I got this, God is for us. Let’s look to Christ to remain eager to do good work and see how your marriage will flourish into the beautiful flower it was always planted to be.



Warmly written to Encourage,


Roland’s Good Thing​


Jada Lynn Cross